With the President Election roaring through this month and Election Day right around the corner, I’ve been thinking: neither candidate has impressed me, nor has either one produced anything remotely entertaining during his campaign, so with this rather mundane election I’ve decided to take a different approach to my voting process. I’ve decided to write-in my vote this year. However, I’m not going to vote in a politician; no this year I’m going to vote in a character from the nerd universe that is deserving of being the President of the United States of America. The only problem is deciding who I’m going to vote for.
Naturally, Superman and Batman were the first two to jump into my head. They are the two biggest names in comics and deserve a section of thought on my end. Those of you who read my column know I’m not the biggest Superman fan, but he does fit the role of a selfless leader. He also happens to be damn near close to a nuclear bomb, and is not legally a U.S. citizen so I have to scratch him off the ballot.
Batman, a.k.a Bruce Wayne, would be a rather easy vote. He’s a billionaire playboy, good sense of economics/ fiscal policies, but he also is a devoted crime fighter, who more than likely wouldn’t quit his day job even if it meant being President. As much as I have to respect his commitment to crime-fighting, it hurts his chances of actually becoming my vote-in this year.
I’ve given a good deal of thought for Captain America. After all Steve Rogers is the epitome of America and the American man. He’s selfless, brash, charismatic, a natural leader, yet I still feel like seeing him sit behind a desk in the oval office isn’t right. He’s a front-line hero he can’t sit down signing off for bills. To vote him in would be an insult to Steve Rogers.
Perhaps another war hero like Solid Snake would make a sufficient President. He definitely fits the Republican prototype of ex-military politicians and commands the respect of his peers when he enters a room. However, Solid Snake has always been a natural-born solider with a unique skill-set of taking orders and taking lives. He’s never truly been an intrepid individual, so perhaps putting him in the Oval Office would be a bad idea; his conformity with taking orders may just turn him into a Reagan-esque puppet getting bullied around by his Congress and Senate.
I’ve considered Charles Xavier as well. He’s the unsung leader and architect behind the X-Men and definitely appears to me as a FDR type of President. His morals and ability to rightfully act upon his convictions make him an ideal candidate in my mind, however I feel like having a telepathic President who could read your mind, as well as control it foreshadows problems. I fear that somewhere along his first-term the good, trustworthy, loving Professor X we all know would somehow become corrupted by the irrationality of American politics and it’s with that fear I’ll have to leave him off my ballot.
Perhaps, Yoda, the old, wise Jedi would make a good President. After all, he’s one of the wisest Jedi to ever live. I’d never get tired of hearing his Yodaisms in his speeches like, “Taxes cut, yes will be.” Since he is a Jedi, he is bound to the Jedi code of morality, but I feel as if a few Sith apprentices may be lurking in the Senate, which in turn, may lead to an all out Jedi/Sith battle on Pennsylvania Avenue. Surely, a battle of such magnitude would be awesome to watch, but inevitably would lead our country into another Civil War, so maybe selecting a Jedi master isn’t my best idea.
Jedi masters may not be the answer, but surely my main man Commander Shepard is. I could see it now, giant posters of Commander Shepard all over town in faded red, white, and blue with the word, “Hope,” underneath he’d be the complete embodiment of change. The savior, the Shepard, for our country’s woes. The defining voice of reason for the American populace and the matador of bipartisan politics. Surely, the man who saved the galaxy three times would make a great president, but then again I believe that poster idea is already copyrighted and are any of us sure if Shepard’s still even alive?
With all this back and forth within my mind, I feel like I’m becoming a politician. One minute I’m pro this, next minute I’m pro that – sheesh it’s exhausting. The more I sort through my nerd database the more No’s I’m discovering. Even Doctor Who, falls up short in my selection process; he’s essentially protecting the entire Universe, which is a tad bit more important than our fifty states. Maybe I should just get out there and vote. Forget about this write-in nonsense after all, why throw away my vote? After all, it is the only voice I have in this damn election anyway.
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